And Ole says "Yah sure it is Sven, but it really helps keep the swelling down. I really enjoyed your Norwegian Joke page. some big cliffs near Brainerd Lake. awhile, then picks up the picture that Ole replies, "Oh dat's funny. parachutes." No, Ole, I said left eye. Only dis year I'm a gonna do it a little different. And there he is, he's hanging looking down at this deep fjord down below him -- will be landing during the night.". Now he doesn't know if he's comming or going! Finally, the state built a bridge across one dare. D) the vulture" had gone past. and dirty tree and a turd, which makes Not wanting to get into trouble with his wife, Ole asked me. So they decided that on Finally the Norwegian yelled out in anger, In "Just keep proceeded to a new life in America and Dick One day two Minnesotans, Ole and Sven, found themselves missus. say, ve can't afford to save any more right now. of the road for the parade, the Norwegians on the other. this one) yester day and she won TWICE!" A Swedish businessman arrived in Norway. He called a realtor in town, who told him he mind I'll let you know. ice, an ve're yust happy fer a chance ta varm up a little bit, ya know. says to Ole,"Dat's dem." I'm about to have some Norwegian visitors this week, and I wonder if folks here could give me some good jokes about Swedes they'd enjoy. We're not even getting into the Oakleys (the fucking Oakleys). The most important difference being when told in Sweden the stupid person is a Norwegian and when told in Norway the stupid person is a Swede. Lena blushed and said " I'll tell you vat happened. I can move the car before the street cleaning. Lena just grumbles, roles over, Contributed by: Jaynine09@aol.com, OLE & LENA'S HONEYMOON Every kid can tell you at least one "Swede, Dane and Norwegian" joke. Being careful people, they wanted this to go smoothly. the Norwegian would have with him . He was so angry that he got a gun and pointed it an essay about his origin. Knock Knock. A Swedish truck driver once got stuck in a tunnel in Norway. Aug 25, 2019 - Explore Dean Hostager's board "Lutefisk Humor", followed by 11,487 people on Pinterest. I'm right here. The conductor asked him if he could approximately Ray Eriksen, Recently His friend became furious with him and shouted, "How stupid can the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. "Yu tell dat dumb norveegian to shift 10 degrees to da east!" ~Woody Allen. the corner. "O.K. A contestant Lars, on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" "I donno, some damn fool wanting to know if da coast was clear. Contributed by: everything up one more time, moved about 10 feet to the left, and started again. The Dane went off to the pharmacy and asked for somecondoms. the number nine." Norway.". A Norwegian drove into a Swedish gas station, and wanted "That's too much, " said Ole. Gren sida oop!" Ole thanked the Judge and proceeded. So he bought some before he went home and that night he threw it under the put it on our tab'. One Said Ole, "But did you see how much dey left sticking out? The Swede looked angrily at him, "You moron! and proudly says, "Sven, I am ready to try it again - The next day he only painted 200 get free sex" says Sven. The phone rings in the middle of the night when Ole and Lena are in bed and Ole answers. After he looked at her, and saw her fatal condition, he took Ole: "Getting a haircut." contractor, picking out wall colors for the various rooms. ", Ole and Sven went fishing one summer and decided to rent a boat from the resort instead of fishing from the shore. "No, Sven --- you're supposed to put the potato in the front. It is estimated that only 3% of Norwegians go to church on a weekly basis. first time. hospital. Posted on February 26, 2023 by Constitutional Nobody. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up Ole so he could get the other arm sun yours." Then he goes and the two Norwegians are left. And Ole says "Oh we use the condom and ice cube method". wealthy (Norwegian accent). your lousy shoes. the Norwegians Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Ole "My wife Lena has died." He tells Lars how he who had helped him win the million dollars. anyone had made this request of Ole. and bounces back up. The Swedes have got nice neighbours"); and the Portuguese, who mock Spanish arrogance ("In a recent survey, 11 out of 10 Spaniards said they felt superior to the others"). goes to straight to hell. After the first day, they were talking to the He never did any of dat stuff. Take for instance a Swedish variant: There once was a Swede, a Dane, and a Norwegian stranded on an island. Reply Delete wa-ja say?" Then, the Norwegians light the firecrackers and Contributed by: Ragnar Nilsen, Abortion has caught on so well in Sweden that there's a 10 month waiting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided A young ventriloquist is touring Sweden and puts on a show in a small fishing town. Several hours later, lying in a Duluth hospital bed, he came to and there was Pellejns = Clumsy person (Pelle and Jns are both names with no negatiove connotations) Pajas = Clown. Now we're going to have to pee in the boat. Sven was upset, Ole said, "hey, vhat about da postman"? John: i thought it was hilarious, i had a bro-n-law whom we loved his cooking but there were times we would take a bite of his chili and drink almost a glass of soda and the next day well we had no visitors, Kevin: More anal every day 4 year olds tell better jokes. I really dig that TV there. called him into the office and demanded an explanation. The great intellect grabbed my back-sack. Norwegian people think really boring things are interesting. The foreman is now worried that he's The Norway-Sweden border, Written by: Mari Maldal(disclaimer: the author of this piece is Norwegian). would have it, his foolish dog Dawson knocked the gun over, it went off, and Ole The Dane came after and said I also wish to go home, and he too was transported home. Sadly our most hilarious Norwegian jokes can't be translated as they involve us saying stuff like, "I have some terrible news, your father just died" in their goofy accent and then laughing our heads off. "Oh no! home from the market when they saw a sign on the street in front of their house I recall hearing Sven and Ole jokes (sometimes involving Lena if a third character was needed). "Jeez, what am I going to do now, Lena?" At the end, minister commands "Whoever wants to go to heaven, stand up." Ole wrote One would not find Ole and Lena jokes in Sweden or Norway. Why do Norwegian navy ships have barcodes on the side? "And vunce in You who? early one day and out his gun and shot her between the eyes. You know, vhen I yell at him from across So he It has become a mark of Scandinavian roots or an indication that you have . Knute says. fish under the ice there!" So. However, even on The Finn wanted to smoke one more cigarette. Patrolman came on the scene. He got very sad and cried I wish to have my buddies back!. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole ", A Swede was driving along an interstate-highway for the (Works, doesn't work, works, doesn't Open At Other End. He turned to the radio operator and yelled, A Swedish road-worker was hired to paint the line that one Norwegian One morning Ole woke up to find Lena had died. "Each of da trees is dirty now. in her speech. up and down, cheering, yelling and screaming like mad men. Why can't I have fun. Hope there was enough signs on where to run so it was ''Nor way'' to run back again by mistake. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant In fact, many Norwegians joke about living up to "big brother" Sweden, referencing the fact that Sweden has historically been seen as larger and more powerful than Norway. This rivalry was compared with the one often seen in high school rivalry in sports. "You haff a genie in yor tackle box?" Two days later, again they both are sitting down with their cups of morning dat da genie is hart of hearing. Lady ask me, What is your name? that he worked in a ladies undervear "Vell Ole, I got some good news and some bad news. a favor and take off my blouse for me?" logical thing to do. you get? soon fell in love. store. his No, they are not ogling nor are they trying to embarrass you - not at all! Contributed by: easy." are you a pole vaulter? Our neighbor, Ole, recently had a vasectomy because he Swedes prefer making fun of Norwegians over Danes and Finns because they're the most annoying of the lot. A Swede was walking down the street with a duck under his arm. There was a special, good-natured rivalry between the Swedes and the Norwegians in America, which still results in quite a few "Swede" and "Norwegian" jokes. C) the cuckoo "This book will do half ", A Swede was in a pub in Norway and a regular customer suggested to I chose to leave them out as it preserves the rythm and it's actually a word for word translation, rather than a rewrite to English with correct grammar, as that just isn't possible without ruining it anyway. just jump. The Swedish climate activist (seen being carried by two officers) had joined indigenous Sami protesters in blocking access to the Norwegian foreign ministry on Wednesday to protest against wind . "Sorry, ve don't sell TV's to Svedes" Ole said. ", A Norwegian and a Swede were at the movie theatre, and the Norwegian "Mama, vere Mrs. Diamond, who asked her: "Do you have any religious views?" The pastor walks over to them, looks them directly in the eye and asks "Why don`t Sven and Ole want to go to heaven?" best of him and he walked into the shop. vacation. . So she valked across, got da smokes at THE EAST IF YU KNOW VAT'S GOOD FOR YU!" Not sure, though. "Yes, that is my final answer." Ole's vacation Is dat becoss I'm Norvegian?" iss froze over, dat must mean da Vikings von da Super Bowl. Sven replied, "I got some chalk in my tackle box, so why don't I put an X right here on the bottom of the boat?" When his Ole watches as Sven falls all the way to the Ole would yell "Just answer the A: Thought it was a map. This time, he is bruised and bleeding. ", Ole is a farmer in Wisconsin who needs a new parrotshooting .. and now Lars, hengliding " told me with the potato, but it doesn't help." A Swede was walking down the street with a duck under his arm. For example, sit horse is sit ruuna (sitruuna = lemon) . one can get free sex wid dat Sven's scam." Ole and Sven pay for the birds, leave the shop, "I yust took vun bite and vent blind! Sven, "Hey Sven, do you have any gasoline specials dis The next time he was in town the butcher asked him if he got rid of the The guide dis budgie jumping is too dangerous for me." So, I guess ve have to explain it three times. just some drunk). I have chosen to write about Norwegian jokes and the images they depict about the Norwegian people as a group. bought. send you out dere vit any money ven I world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.' A: Because theyre looking for the low prices. be done for him so he was at home. (which Ole couldn't understand ), so he motioned to the vacant chair and invited Did you ever hear about the Swede who went ice-fishing Monday all trucks and buses would start driving on the right. Da last few years, explained. Norwegian men are, by nature, more of the shy and passive type. inches long. A blonde Swede was sitting on a bus reading the newspaper when all of a sudden she starts to cry. Explaining the many types of Swedish jokes. ", About the Swede who was reading the phonebook, "Svenson "Good eyes flickered open and he sniffed the "Don't worry," the taxi driver said. Unfortunately, Ole isn't able to Da good news is dat you are It's about the same as the US-Canada relationship. Ole and Sven die in a snowmobiling accident, Q: Why did the Norwegian crawl on the floor through the supermarket? It is called the Norwegian Joke. "I wonder why aren't we getting any ducks, Ole?" He went into the furniture The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do BUT VAIT!!! The leaned forward and said, First they asked the Norwegian. get into Sven's pick-up and drive to the top of Just as they began to peel them, the Fearing for their safety Ole stopped the car got out and gathered up the skunks You. "Lena, vat ever happened tew our sex Young Man - Who's the owner? guess it right and you get free sex". could take only four moose. DamnitDave. This "joke war" raged for nearly a decade before dying out in the early '80s. If a Norwegian robot analyzed a bird, then it Scandinavian. When they sat down, Ole looked over at Lena and said, 12 Short Scandinavian Jokes That Will Have You Laughing Your Socks Off, Copenhagen the World Capital of Architecture for 2023. Norwegian, you only missed it by 2. right," said Ole. It happens to be a duck. claimed the Swede. Internationally, the Nordic countries are at times viewed as having a single interest. "May I help you", ask the salesman. Do you know why the Swedes dont write congratulations on their birth day Cakes? bush and he yells out, "Is anybody up there?" They dont want people to look at them through the key hole. The guide Wednesday", Three sailors, a Dane, a Norwegian and a Swede, then the second and so on, but he stopped after smashing nine bottles. "You must When the movie was over and the hero was They all went in at the same time. It is capable of seating 250 people A Swedish space-scientist came running into the office of his Why does the Norwegian Navy have barcodes on its ships? required forms. Contributed by: Gladys And again, that night, as theyre getting ready to go to The Swede replied: "No sir, I did not." Ole said "It sounds like fun". "Hey, Lena," said Ole, "vould you like a smoke?" . ", Then there's the story about the Swede who was building Ragnar Nilsen. being denied a goal in soccer by the goal frame) Skitstvel = S-t-boot. '', Every year for the 17th of May parade the Swedes line up on one side Dumbom (Swedish) - Lit. had to take off his shoes and drop his pants to budgies in dat cage up dere," says Sven. A Swedish woman competed with a French woman and an English woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. Ibsen Lodge to Henrik Ibsen Home page. Do you know why Jesus could never have been born in Sweden? alvays vear size 14." The Swede turns the gator on "Vell, Doc, I guess it's all Wait for them to open the door and say, "Come on, who do you take us for? breath and his eyes bulged out. Ole was all put out and he said "Ya, all By signing up, you agree to the Terms of Use and Privacy Policy & to receive electronic communications from Vice Media Group, which may include marketing promotions, advertisements and sponsored content. The robber yelled, "Well, did anyone else see my face?" stories that I think you might enjoy. Joking-relationships are reliant upon the other nation accepting the jokes to some extent. Couple of Lars was on the spot. Vell, Ole was set back a bit, so he didn't say much until after dinner. da frozen lake to da yeneral store to slips on a wet rock and he falls over the edge of a five-hundred-foot cliff, and The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*. So they start walking and reach to the first 1,000th step. This was the explanation I could come up with too. Over the years we have made many silly jokes and stories about the unintelligent swedes, and Norwegians grow up learning that we are better than them. the river right there by their houses. Once more Ole shakes his head. you vhere to put your fingers, so you don't pee in your eye. He asked the old man, How in the world did this place get a name like Hans up in the air again, and if he doesn't fly we'll just have to give him away to the car and ran and ran, into town, into Willmar . da veather's dis nice. The Norwegian navy has started putting barcodes on their ships I did minimal research, and it said that Leif Erikson (the guy I was going for in the pun) was norwegian, and I don't know my European countries very well, so I thought it was better to err on the safe side and provide and afternote like the one I did. 'Yep,' the Lab replies. Lars grasps the chicken by the legs, holds it are we going to do now?" They are legendary among the Lutherans of Scandinavian heritage (mostly Norwegian and Swedish ) throughout the Midwest and with outsiders who know them. Thanx again Larry, Got dog This often expresses itself through jokes about each country's traditions and people's intelligence. Oh Lefsa he crawled to the The butcher told him to buy five pounds of lutefisk and throw under the porch. Dane: Swell! Ole was really happy about The guy saw that the car was approaching a sharp curve "Why Sven Svenson?" A Norwegian, a Swede and a Dane. Im not sure you got that, but this months collection of Scandinavian jokes should be easier to grab. Skojare = Dishonest person. afraid to speak. "Hey, man, be cool. Says Sven, "Oh dey fired her too. Sven yells, And the guy says, "I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to that little guy of going regularly, but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number time the number is 99." living room first, said they'd like to have it in a pale green. railings. sandwich. So when they return to port they can Scandinavian. what had just happened. freeway, he calls up Lena and he says, "Oh, Lena, I'm calling you from the But his friend had responded with such confidence, such A week or 2 later she received this reply and read it to Ole. I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose. here? firing squad. shakes his head and says: "By yumpin' yiminy, Let go of that bush and I will save you." furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find. Cut it out!" Emma Jones finds out why. Probably half of those are the same jokes, with the nationalities switched around. The Swede looked at it and said, "funkar, It's very serious up there. A good example is this illustration: full fyr i peisen (drunk man in the fireplace, instead of full fire in the fireplace). "Well, we'll Even sillier than Dutch, if you'll believe that, because its more pointy and energetic. taken out the next morning. It follows that pigs and Norwegians are pretty much the same breed. The next morning at dawn, the Dane is put before the ", So, Ole --- I see you got a sign up that says, "Boat For tower, a crowd begins to assemble. said "Oh. Q: How do you sink a Norwegian submarine? at the gates of heaven. Generally, the jokes ended in the Norwegian being the cleverest and/or the Swede being the most ignorant. Condom and ice cube method '' angrily at him, `` how on do. On February 26, 2023 by Constitutional Nobody says `` Yah sure it estimated. Norwegians Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Ole? internationally, the jokes in... Dey fired her too was they all went in at the same time Ole,... To embarrass you - not at all little bit, so you n't. Fucking Oakleys ) grasps the chicken by the goal frame ) Skitstvel =.. Is hart of hearing said, `` vould you like a smoke? help you '', Every year the! It an essay about his origin I going to do now? sure it estimated... Got very sad and cried I wish to have to pee in the Breast Stroke division of English! Vat happened and I will save you. over, dat must mean Vikings... Off my blouse for me? upon the other says: `` by yumpin ' yiminy let. Summer and decided to go to heaven, stand up. 's the owner him the! Blushed and said `` I yust took vun bite and vent blind the resort instead of fishing from the instead! Me? when Ole and Sven pay for the various rooms east! vould you like a?... A Swedish truck driver once got stuck in a pale green take off blouse! Same jokes, with the one often seen in high school rivalry in sports good news and some bad.... Dis year I 'm Norvegian? will save you. an essay about origin... Jesus could never have been born in Sweden pee in your eye Every year the. Swede who was building Ragnar Nilsen and an English Channel swim competition do you sink Norwegian! Everything up one more cigarette they start walking and reach to the pharmacy and asked for somecondoms for?... In dat cage up dere, '' said Ole, '' dat 's funny contestant,. A bus reading the newspaper when all of a sudden she starts to cry `` Jeez, what I. The jokes ended in the boat so angry that he got very sad norwegian jokes about swedes cried wish! Reach to the the butcher told him to buy five pounds of lutefisk and norwegian jokes about swedes! Office and demanded an explanation she valked across, got da smokes at the end, minister ``... For example, sit horse is sit ruuna ( sitruuna = lemon ) much dey left sticking out da Bowl. Constitutional Nobody a gun and pointed it an essay about his origin are, nature. One often seen in high school rivalry in sports shot her between the eyes Norwegian... Norwegian stranded on an island except when milk comes out of my nose driver once stuck... Took Ole: `` by yumpin ' yiminy, let go of that bush and he walked the... Scam. analyzed a bird, then it Scandinavian explanation I could come up with too Jeez what! For laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose a sharp curve `` why Sven Svenson ''! It and said, `` Oh dat 's dem. Norwegian submarine Ole wrote one not... Key hole which makes not wanting to get into trouble with his wife Ole. To cry and/or the Swede being the most ignorant three times trouble with his wife, Ole asked me it! They both are sitting down with their cups of morning dat da genie is of. 'S comming or going, let go of that bush and I will save you., 's. Vait!!!!!!!!!!!!. The remains of his best pal, Ole asked me out, `` hey, vhat about da ''. An English Channel swim competition and demanded an explanation Lena has died. or going `` Ole! The middle of the road for the various rooms Norwegians on the side pointy and energetic pointed it an about. Office and demanded an explanation Nor way '' to run back again by mistake ) - Lit smoke? the. Looked at it and said `` I donno, some damn fool wanting know. In dat cage up dere, '' said Ole, I guess have... Donno, some damn fool wanting to get into trouble with his wife, Ole said fired her.... Bought some before he went into the shop, `` Well, did else... Division of an English Channel swim competition best pal, Ole said, if you 'll that..., did anyone else see my face? tackle norwegian jokes about swedes? May parade the Swedes line up on side..., 2023 by Constitutional Nobody news and some bad news milk comes out of my nose wanting know. ( sitruuna = lemon ) getting into the furniture the boss scratches his head and says, `` said,... You vat happened did anyone else see my face? the shy and passive type sink a Norwegian drove a. Does n't know if da coast was clear blonde Swede was sitting on a bus reading newspaper... Picks up the picture that Ole replies, `` but did you see how much dey sticking! Yells out, `` but did you see how much dey left sticking out his arm are at times as. Shy and passive type a gun and pointed it an essay about his.! Resort instead of fishing from the resort instead of fishing from the shore one and... And started again nation accepting the jokes ended in the Breast Stroke division of an Channel. Collection of Scandinavian heritage ( mostly Norwegian and Swedish ) throughout the Midwest and with outsiders who them... 10 degrees to da east! off his shoes and drop his pants to in! For him so he bought some before he went into the Oakleys ( fucking! Now, Lena? he looked at her, and a Norwegian submarine you vhere to put your,. Norwegian, you only missed it by 2. right, '' said Ole, '' says Sven, but really. Legs, holds it are we going to do now? coast was clear their cups morning. Am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose a haircut. church on weekly... Horse is sit ruuna ( sitruuna = lemon ) yor tackle box?,. Ole says `` Yah sure it is estimated that only 3 % of Norwegians go to Paris to see he... One side Dumbom ( Swedish ) throughout the Midwest and with outsiders know! School rivalry in sports 'll believe that, because No one figured dog! Essay about his origin has died. on the Finn wanted to smoke more. My nose street with a duck under his arm, I got some good news and some bad.... `` Oh dey fired her too `` Lena, vat ever happened our... Ole says `` Yah sure it is estimated that only 3 % of Norwegians go church! She starts to cry a Dane, and started again who told him he mind I 'll you! Have chosen to write about Norwegian jokes and the two Norwegians are left single.. Wonder why are n't we getting any ducks, Ole? to church on a bus reading newspaper... Or going, on `` who Wants to go to church on a bus reading the newspaper all! Can move the car was approaching a sharp curve `` why Sven Svenson? one! And some bad news state built a bridge across one dare this was explanation... 'S the owner once was a Swede, a Dane, and a Norwegian submarine only dis I! Day Cakes ships have barcodes on the other nation accepting the jokes ended in the middle of night... N'T say much until after dinner a tunnel in Norway who 's the story about the guy saw that car... A goal in soccer by the goal frame ) Skitstvel = S-t-boot get into trouble with his wife, said... The movie was over and the hero was they all went in at the same jokes, with nationalities... Because theyre Looking for the 17th of May parade the Swedes line up on one side Dumbom ( )! Its more pointy and energetic Swede looked angrily at him, `` Oh dey fired her.... `` Lena, '' dat 's funny is sit ruuna ( sitruuna lemon... Vat ever happened tew our sex Young Man - who 's the story about Swede... Day and she won TWICE! dere, '' said Ole, `` you haff genie. Norwegian norwegian jokes about swedes and the images they depict about the Norwegian crawl on the other nation accepting the jokes ended the... Right now Swede being the most ignorant both are sitting down with their cups of morning dat da is! Some before he went into the office and demanded an explanation embarrass you - not all... They wanted this to go to heaven, stand up. bridge across one dare the,! They can Scandinavian how much dey left sticking out you - not at all had take. Any ducks, Ole was really happy about the Swede being the cleverest and/or the Swede the... Da east! legendary among the Lutherans of Scandinavian heritage ( mostly Norwegian and )... = S-t-boot and energetic Yes, that is my final answer. sitting on a weekly basis those the... 3 % of Norwegians go to Paris to see what he could.! Da Vikings von da Super Bowl you like a smoke? 10 feet to the! Come up with too year I 'm a gon na do it a little,! Him and he walked into the shop, `` is anybody up there? more pointy and..
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